Posts Tagged ‘funniest status updates. facebook’


my body evolved an immunity to OOOWWWWEEE MN and NE mosquitoes but these ouuccchhhh Black/White TExas Highbreed suckers huuurrrtttt…. I have such a damnitMindovermatter great writing spot right now but am getting bit too much to concentrate…..

It’s good to stay in shape.. my grandma started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60, she’s 97 today and we have no clue where the hell she is! 🙂

Let’s get together and feeellll alllriiigghht!

_ thinks that if you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you’re a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.

When someone says to me “I know what you’re thinking,” I’m so happy, because I have no idea.

The last time I felt this hungover it was a Saturday in early January. I remember it like it was yesterday.

____ loves doing the “scroll of shame” the morning after drinking. That’s when I walk through all the stuff I shouldn’t have done on Facebook the night before.

____ just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.

How do you keep a Facebook user in suspense? I’ll tell you tomorrow.

____ has seen the future, specifically, St. Patrick’s Day. I looked drunk.

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. DIGNITY is not one of them.

Sure, drinking kills brain cells, but only the weak ones.

____ is going to my happy place.


Where is theeee looove?

Let’s get together and feeellll alllriiigghht!

____ thinks you’re so vain, you probably think this Facebook status is about you.



Wishing You the HAPPIEST Of Birthdays
✿•*¨`*•. (¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯) .•*¨`*•✿
. . . ✿•*¨`*•.¸(¯`v´¯)¸.•´*¨`*•✿ . . .
………………… ….♥ •.¸.•´♥……………